fanfic, slash

[hriza]

title: The Lions Sleep Tonight.
fandom: Blackadder, season three.
pairing: Blackadder/Prince George
AN: I have no idea why the inspiration struck. At first the fic wasn't so slashy, blame Ilera for NC.))

Blackadder was crouching on the floor when Baldrick came in.
- What are you doing? - he asked.
- Shut up, I'm listening.
- Really? Why?
- Because I'm trying to catch a mice.
- Why?
- What do you mean "why"?
- They are tasty and good as food.
- Oh, shut up, you pathetic scum.
- Ok.
And Baldrick left no doubt seeking amazing new turnips. Blackadder put his ear to the stony surface trying to determine any out of ordinary sounds.

Next day Prince Regent was tossing an apple in the air absent-mindedly when Blackadder entered.
- Blackadder, tonight I thought that I should change my style. Add something fancy.
- ...
- Hey, why do you look so strange?
- Because I haven't... - Blackadder moodily looked at the wall, - slept, milord.
- Never mind. - Prince Regent started crooking his fingers. - I think I need some new fancy shirts. With matching handkerchiefs.

Even the Prince noticed that Blackadder looked a bit out of sorts. The mystery of his sleepless night was easily solvable for thouse, who weren't Baldrick. Blackadder wearing black was sitting at the kitchen table with his face pressed against his arms, posture relaxed.
- Hey, Mr B. Hey!
Blackadder woke up and instantly saw Baldrick's face. A terrible image.
- What? - he snapped.
- You looked like you were sleeping, but I thought maybe you are dead and it was your lifeless body and I thought I should check.
- Check if I was dead? It's stupid even for you. No sleep here today. And I can't get rid of these mice. Though, wait a minute... I have a plan!
- A cunning plan?
- Yes, Baldrick, plan that will allow me to get a blissful night of undisturbed sleep. A sleep without mice... - Blackadder smiled.

***

Prince Regent was happily going to bed when somebody knocked and entered without waiting for reply. It was Blackadder.
- What happened?
- I've found a solution to your problem, milord.
- But I don't have a problem, - Prince George smiled thinking it was a joke.
- A problem with your style. With everybody laughing at you because you're... ordinary.
- Well, I've already solved it. New clothes, new gloves, socks, than other clothes, - Prince climbed under the covers and started to rub cream on his face.
- But the problem still persists. The image of grayness and dullness will be associated with you forever.
- Oh, that's terrible. I have no wish to be referred to as "that unremarkable ruler of England". - Prince Regent looked a bit worried and stopped applying a cream.
- And I have a solution, - reminded Blackadder.
- Yes, yes. What is it?
- You need to spread the rumor that you have a special love preference.
With this Blackadder walked around the bed and sat on the edge, took off his shoes, and got under the covers. Meanwhile Prince Regent thought about this solution.
- If I sleep with you, they would think that you're my lover. It might work. Oh, I don't know, may be I would look a bit gay. What do you think, Blackadder?
- Em... It will perfectly work, milord. - Blackadder contentedly snuggled into soft pillows. It was a blissfully miceless bed.
Prince George thought for a few minutes more than returned to his cream.

***

Prince George opened his eyes and looked at the room lit in the morning sun. He stretched, and rolled on his other side, a smile on his thin elegant lips. Then he flinched and sat up.
- What are you doing here? You, butler! - His voice was higher then usually. He disdainfully looked at the figure lying a few inches from him. A figure in black with dark hair. A wig was lying on the pillow near Blackadder' head.
- It won't do. Butler! Wake up! - He pushed Blackadder on the shoulder. This invoked a response from Blackadder.
- Baldrick, if this dribbling, daft as a cork Prince with an powder instead of brain is not awake yet and you just thought that it would be a good idea to wake me up, sod off. - the tirade was spoken in a rough from sleep voice. Blackadder buried himself in the pillow firmly and proceeded with sleeping.
- What? I can't believe it! Hey, you, butler, wake up!
- Yes, what? The money is in my pocket, Gvendoline.
- Wake up! - Prince shoved him in the shoulder once more.
- Oh, milord! Good morning. I think... - Blackadder took in his surroundings. - I hope you slept well?
- Yes, thank you. No! I did before I woke up and heard all that offensive nonsense from my butler.
- Yes?
- Yes, and it was you!
- And what did I say, milord? - Blackadder asked with an underlying message "this hopeless idiot is unable to recall what was said two seconds earlier. Even if I did say something, which I strongly doubt."
- Oh, of course I don't remember! I'm too noble to remember all the nonsense. - Prince waved his hand.
Meanwhile Blackadder was searching for the shoes he took off yesterday. Finely he's found them.
- So, tell me, what were you doing in my bed? Is it a game? Oh, wait, it's a riddle! - Prince Regent sprang from the bed and started pacing, delighted. - What Blackadder did in this bed. What did Blackadder do in the bed. Blackadder did in the bed, what, do. No, no, it's something else.
Blackadder gave him a look and went out to get a breakfast.

***

Blackadder returned twenty minutes later caring a tray, walking carefully, so that not to spill anything. He knocked and came in. Than him lifted an eyebrow and stopped. Prince George was wearing a thin, most indecent pink dress atop his whitely silk jacket.
- May I ask you what are you doing, milord?
- How is it?
- Depending on the purpose of use. Although I fear to think of why are you wearing this pink dress.
- No, it's actually for you. Nice, isn't it? I bet you've been wishing for something like this for a long time.
- No, I haven't.
- Yes? Well if you were a girl you would just love it!
- Firstly, I'm not. - Blackadder put a trey on the bureau. - And I doubt it could provoke any other filling than mockery, milord.
- You should wear it. - Prince George's blue eyes looked bigger because of the lifted eyebrows. - I'm such a handsome young prince and tomorrow when I sow you sleeping I thought that we might, - he smiled implying, - you know.
- What? Oh no, who had it come to this? - The question was directed to no one in the room. Blackadder added; - Let me get it straight, milord. If I can use this word. You thought that you want to have an affair with me?
- Exactly! That's why you should wear this little slim dress. One of the men in a relationship should always wear a dress. And it shall be you. - Prince came towards Blackadder and placed a dress on the approximate place where it should be.
- The size is perfect.
Blackadder actually looked a bit startled.
- I have some business, which prevents me from being here any longer, milord. - Blackadder moved towards the door.
Then he cut his retreat and looked at Prince George, who stood, folding his hands and a hurt expression on his face, pink lips pressed together.
- Why the the girls always leave me!
- Yes, fine, I agree to be a part of your perverted plan. You can do whatever you want, but no disgusting kissing, no romance mumblin-gumbling and no pink dress.
- Glad to hear it. Hm, but than I should find a dress of another color. A black one will do!

***

Blackadder irritably told Prince George:
- Hold still for a moment. Honey goes here, than...
- Uh.
- Here. Than here.
They were lying alongside. The drawn curtains didn't let the sun to shine too brightly in the room. Blackadder painted a sticky line on Prince Regent's chest.
- Mm. It's actually pretty sweet. - With that Prince captured Blackadder's lips in a passionate kiss.
- Mm. Gm.
- I knew that when you told no kissing, you didn't mean it.
- Oh, shut up! I just like honey.
- No, you don't. - Prince looked pleased with himself.
- Whatever. - Blackadder pursed his lips and stopped his earlier activity.
- Carry on, carry on. Come on! I can't stand it. Where's the bloody jar? So, the honey here, here...
- Mmm.

fin.